Tanya aka I Wanna Stalk Tonight aka Jack Has A Bean Stalking

The names have been changed to protect the innocent,only jestin this poem just came from my weird mind...........

I fell in love with Tanya,
With the help of the bow of cupid,
We went out for about six months,
Till she told me i was stupid,

Times has passed but i still want her,
Despite her 2nd marriage,
I've got a plan to kidnap her,
And keep her in my garage,

I still love her oh so much,
When I see her my mind can't function,
I feel that i cannot go over,an that i cannot speak,
Oh damn that court injunction,

My friends say that she is no longer pretty,
That her eyes look tired and baggy,
The figure has gone,her skin is wrinkled,
And the boobs are not pert but saggy,

But I still carry on stalking her,
Although shes now a minger,
I think I will show her how much I love her,
By sending her my finger,

Double Glazing

Tis cold at the moment so thought i would tell you about our house that we cannot seem to get remotely warm..

Our flat needs double glazing,
And i do not mind the cost,
If it means that each morning,
I don't wake up covered in frost,

Our flat needs double glazing,
You will hear me shout,
The bedrooms are all so cold,
Our pet polar bear moved out.
(Its really a rabbit who seems to prefer his hutch,but polar bear sounded better)

Our flat needs double glazing.
Because its oh so cold,
The bathroom sometimes gets warm,
Cause the walls are caked in mould,

Our flat needs double glazing,
As whilst i sit and write,
My hands have turned all shades of blue,
I think its called frost bite.

Our flat needs double glazing,
An what really gives me the hump,
Is when the toilet waters frozen,
When i want to take a dump,

Job done,i am off to put my hands in boiling water till i can feel them again.

New Job

My name is Matt and i'm a Teacher,
I show children how to hit,
Snare drum,bass drum and crash cymbal,
Sometimes i fear they'll split,

All day long its bang and crash,
Shout and scream an thud,
And that noise my friends it drives me mad,
My job i fear is crud,

I want to get a new job,
With grown ups an peace and quiet,
And not feel like every day,
Is liking walking into a riot,

So to make my life better,
I've started a new course,
I'm going to live the quiet life,
And join the police force,

Just some thoughts on my job and my dreams of not having to listen to the drums 6 hours a day.

WOW Impro Show Report

Hullo

Just thought i would write and keep peeps posted on our up coming and recent shows.The last one(my first one proper show)went really well.Highlights include Richard Coad aka the Leader missing his sliding lard and me sniffing Sarahs bottom.Also Ben creating his own girlfriend with eggs and flour as you do and Luke getting dragged into a Jam machine.All this and Ian was an evil Milky Bar kid with Lee being a top Party Quirks host.

I was in the show but was laughing so hard when on the side that a bit of pea popped out,it had fallen in my pocket at dinner and managed to escape.

NEXT SHOW NOVEMBER 27TH 08 NUNEATON ARTS CENTRE 8.00PM KICK OFF

see www.myspace.com/wowimpro for more deteails